NATURAL 1s
THE KENNEL
The GM is trying to run a game. The party has other plans.
THE PARTY
Greg
(Forever GM)
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Just wants one clean session with his friends.
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Has already accepted that he will not get one.
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Runs the table anyway, facepalm ready.
Carl
(Murder Hobo)
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Plays a bard. Acts like a barbarian.
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If it has hit points, he would like those to stop.
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Combat is his love language.
Charlie
(Wild Card)
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Plays a druid. The wild shape is a warning label.
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You never know what he will do. That includes Charlie.
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Greg plans an encounter. The plan was optional.
Cindy
(Min/Maxer)
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Plays a warlock. The backstory is whatever gives her an edge.
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If a feat, pact, or dip adds a bonus, the lore can wait.
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Optimized for damage. Allergic to flavor.
Howard
(GMs Good Boy)
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Plays a wizard. Treats the Player’s Handbook like fetch.
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Reminds Greg of the rule… especially when it hurts the rest of the party.
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Thinks he is helping. The table is less sure.
John
(Noob)
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Plays a fighter. They started him there so he might survive.
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Still learning which die is which. Asking anyway.
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The only one actually trying to follow the plot.
Josie
(Indecisive)
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Plays a cleric. Healing can wait until she picks a spell.
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It is her turn. It has been her turn. It will still be her turn.
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Too chicken to decide. The name was not subtle.
Karen
(Rules Lawyer)
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Plays a barbarian. Cites the book like a lawyer.
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If it is not RAW, she would like a word.
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Greg is the defendant. Karen cross-examines him.
Pablo
(Metagamer)
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Plays a ranger. The monster manual is his favorite terrain.
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Knows the hit points, resistances, and vulnerabilities. His character does not.
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Will share them anyway, as a public service.
Pat
(Cheater)
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Plays a rogue. The sheet is the only honest thing on him.
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That die was a 20. He can prove it if you let him pick it up.
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Innocent face, loaded dice.
